hi

I should not be on here, reading and writing blogs, i should be doing my course work which until today i have barely so much as looked at! It's due in tom, my printer has died on me, so now have to transfer it to my friends and print it off there. Mean while i've the dinner to cook the kids to entertain, remants of a relationship to dispose of and frustration at myself for leaving it to the last minute...again!!!

Woe is me, some may do their best work under presure but am not so sure about me, we shall see, i have completed most of it, just have to finish an essay which is the bit i'm not good at, rounding things off to a satisfactory conclusion (in that respect it's not just eassys) anyway best get on with it, wish me luck xx

haven't blogged for some time now. We had our weekend in Rome, it was great. Things got really heated between us before we went, we talked we went away, things were good. We came back and nothing had changed really, i feel a fool i feel like shit! We've shouted and screamed at each other, he's had his hands round my throat, he's thrown furniture around and i laughed in his face...sounds really fucked up doesn't it!! I won't, i refuse to be scared of any man, i won't be intimidated i don't care what they do to me, i grew up that way and i'm damned if i'll go out that way!!! He got changed to go out for the night, i've thrown his stuff out without bags into the rain, i love him but i hate him and this has to end

He's home on leave at mo before leaving for afgan on the 4th of april. I'm so excited cos we're going to Rome for a few days next week-can't wait! Be fantastic to have some quality time alone in such a fab city! People who've been have been telling me i'll love it, and i know i will. Only down side to is that he has to go striaght back to work when we get back Just have to make the most of it!

My oldest son just celebrated his 14 birthday!!!!!!! scary he's that old, i can still remember vividly being 14 myself, can't possibly be so long ago can it?? He's gonna be a giant of a man if he doesn't slow down his growing, he currently is 6ft 2, we're a tall family thou, i'm 5ft 11 myself. There all off school for a week, so have seemingly millions of teenagers and other kids flowing through the house, eating all the food lol

I turned the computer on to finish my essay, that was 2 hours ago and i still haven't started it............off i go

Do you know what!? sometimes i think to myself why do i f**king bother!?? I've just spent the whole day with a friend who as always is upset and stressed about her relationship. I've been listening to her go on and on for bloody hours!!

Yet ten mins ago after a row with my partner, i phone her up to talk to her and vent my splene about it-does she have the time to give me.....NO!!!! instead i get- i'm fed up, i'm in bed blah blah and tells me she knows another friend is home, so i can talk to her instead!! Fuckinhg cheek!! I bend over backwards when she calls for a moan, i've listened to her whilst trying to cook dinner, going to loo, after shes woken me from sleep! but can she spare me 10 mins or so!!!!!!!!!

fine, bollocks to her!

What a brilliant night it was!!! danced the night away, drunk too much, though happy to say i have no hangover My friend hasn't been out for a year, her last birthday in fact! It didn't take her very long to get plastered, she was funny, needed the whole dance floor to herself, seemed completly oblivious to fact any one else was in the building.

I got offered 4 phone numbers and an invite out for dinner, drinks were being handed to be left and right (though don't like taking drinks of strange men, been spiked before) Don't know why all this attention was lavished on me, but i enjoyed it stated my position clearly, "can i bring along my partner?" being in a relationship doesn't seem to put anyone of these days though, bad isn't it!

Got an engagement party to attend next say night and then after i need to spend as little as poss as my fella and i are going to Rome for 4 days........can't wait i'm so excited!! Ant of you been? if so anything besides the obvious worth going to see?

I want to write something, but i don't want to keep moaning............

..............................nope its all a moan up!

I shall spare you all tonight

I feel like crap!!! got a cold which is making me feel sick too. Sneezing coughing eyes watering and my head hurts...woe is me It best be gone by sat, am going out with a friend who hasn't been out for an eternity! used to have such fun! Its her birthday, and we have decided to check out our old stomping ground...can't wait...not keen on looking like ruldolf thou, christmas is long gone!!!

have spent the day with another friend who's partner has just been caught using dating sites, and not for the first time. She'll rant and rave but then let him off the hook (he'll do it again) this time is the 5th and they have only been seeing each for 4mths!!! They are currently in talks to see where they are going from here......

I'm sooooooo tired, but why don't i go to sleep??????? the past few days i've been awake till gone 2 and am up again by 7!

Today i saw a guy who always tell me (normally) how good i look, but today only said that i look tired. When i go to bed, after i've worn out my eyes reading (any dean koontz novel) i just lay there mind buzzing over everything.

Any tips here, i need my 8 hours at least

Sitting in silence, afraid to be seen,
words of hatred envelope me,
with pain in my heart from all that has been
is there no love left thats been saved for me?

Tomorrow when i wake, will i find it were a dream,
a terrible nightmare, and i'll rise with a scream
will i be happy and laughing with glee
there be no misery and dispair in store for me

I awake and i find, tomorrow is here
it wasn't a dream....
my life is desolation and fear

Weekend over, spent it decorating the hall stairs and landing, now it's back to work again!!! groan!!! spent the morning with 18 screaming snot nose devils (i love it really) (i do) Went for a swim before getting in a late lunch of salmon and chicken salad followed by a fruit salad which was very yum actually. Diet going well the last 46 hours, lets keep it up

At home now hoping the local wildlife will fly in through the window and clean for me like in that advert (nips off to open window) whilst i sit back and wait for my happy, singing, polite angelic children to dance in from school.....wakes up, realises none of this will happen. and is there a point to my dayly efforts in keeping the house nice?? when they come in they'll kick off their shoes, throw down their bags and jackets look in the fridge to see if i've stocked up (i haven't)(ha) before they say hi mum............let the battles comence